>Sneaky Hate Spiral

>A few days ago, Emily posted a link to this wonderful blog, Hyperbole and a Half, which I have spent the whole morning reading. It’s hilarious, and I feel like I can relate to a lot of the posts. One of them that really resonated with me was this one, entitled “Sneaky Hate Spiral”. Go read it, then come back. Like Emily said, if you don’t come back, at least you’ve gone on to bigger and better blog reading.

So the Sneaky Hate Spiral. What a great way to put it. I remember one of the very first times this happened to me. I must have been really little, maybe four or five, because I still struggled with simple tasks like getting dressed. I don’t remember the build-up, but I do remember the turning point. I was trying to put on a sock. When you’re little, this is hard. The sock kept getting stuck on one of my toes, and when I finally got it on, it was on backwards. The little heel indent was on the top of my foot. In a murderous rage, I started screaming and clawing at my foot, trying to get the darn sock off. I finally did, and threw it across the room. I can’t remember if my mom was already in the room or she came in right then, and I totally blamed it on her for buying me defective socks.

Now, the most recent Sneaky Hate Spiral. Unfortunately a side effect of living in Santiago is the propensity to cause Sneaky Hate Spirals. So, the build up. Charlie doesn’t let me sleep very well sometimes. Usually, when I’m gone all day and don’t have time to play with him, he thinks 3am is the perfect time to wake me up by jumping on my face. So that night, I hadn’t slept very well. I woke up grumpy. As I went to leave, my door wouldn’t open. This has happened very frequently since the earthquake when the door jamb shifted. Usually yanking on it with two hands does the trick. Not this time. I had to set down my bag, take off my rings and put all my weight on the door, practically hanging off of the door knob. Finally, the door burst open and I found myself sitting on my floor. Gah.

Then, I left my house and got on the metro. Have you ever noticed how people eat things here? It’s different. Say for example, you have a Negrita, which is a small chocolate covered cookie (see above). I would eat a Negrita in 3-4 bites. Chomp. Chomp. Chomp. Chomp. There, done and finished. Delicious. Not so much Chileans. If Chileans eat a Negrita, it’s more like nibblenibblenibblenibblenibblenibble. Pauuuuuuuuse. nibblenibblenibblenibble. Pauuuuuuuuuse. Rinse and repeat. It takes them FOREVER to eat a stupid Negrita. So anyway, standing right next to me on the metro was a nibbling Negrita-eating woman. She got halfway done her Negrita and her phone rang. She had some annoying conversation and then proceed to say “Ya, chao” approximately TWENTY FIVE TIMES! Well, I started counting after she had said it probably 10 times and I got up to 15. If you’re going to say “Ya, chao” THAT MANY TIMES, why not just HANG UP? Seriously.

So anyway, I got off the metro and proceeded to have my class with the Brazilians where this happened. Then it started raining and I got soaked. I went to class in the afternoon/evening and multiple annoying things happened which I will not detail here, because it’s work and I should really try not to talk about work here. I’m already treading a fine line talking about the Brazilians so much.

Then I got home and was so exhausted and frustrated that I just collapsed on the couch. F. called me just to say hi and poor thing, something he said hit me the wrong way and I started yelling and crying at him. It was a conversation that we have had thousands if not millions of times, and something we really shouldn’t keep talking about, but it came up and he got the brunt of my Sneaky Hate Spiral.

I’ve already apologized to him in person, but F., consider this a public apology for my shitty behavior. Thanks for being a great friend and putting up with me despite everything!


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