>Why I should not be trusted to make decisions while half asleep

>Last night I was home alone again, so I decided to let the pets sleep with me. At about 4:30 this morning, Stella started to whine. I tried to ignore her because she has done this to me before. She pretends like she has to go pee in the middle of the night but then she just goes outside and barks and refuses to come inside. Anyway, having learned that lesson the hard way I tried to roll over and ignore her cries. But then she came back into the bed and started licking my face and scratching at the covers. With visions of doggie pee in my bed (ick) I stumbled downstairs to let her out. Ruby snuck out with her because along with my ability to make smart decisions, my fine motor skills were also compromised.

I went to the bathroom (on second thought, maybe that’s why I was so sympathetic to Stella having to go pee…I had to go too!!) and then went to the door to call them inside. Nope. Wasn’t going to happen. So I went and put pants, a jacket, hat and shoes on and then gathered a flashlight and leash and went outside. I found Stella right away because she’s a big wimp in cold weather and was already shivering. So after pretending to have a treat in my hand I scooped her up and put her inside. I could hear Ruby barking in the woods up next to our neighbor’s house. Cursing my existence (“I hate my life! WHY did I let them out? WHY WHY WHY???”) and imagining the calls I would recieve from my grumpy 80-something neighbor the next morning, I traipsed through the woods, trying to whisper-call to Ruby, as if her barking hadn’t already woken up this poor old woman. After about 10 minutes of crashing through the underbrush (can I just take this moment to remind everyone that this is at 4:30 AM?!?!?) Ruby finally came bounding over, as if she just barely heard me calling her. I might add that she has one of those shock-collars and our yard has an invisible electric fence around it to prevent exactly these types of situations. Well that stupid collar isn’t worth it’s weight in dog poo, in my humble opinion. Because guess what? At 7:00 this morning I let her out again, and she went bounding off into the woods. AGAIN.

A couple of nights ago, I slept in my sister’s bed because the same dog was just too cute curled up on my bed and I felt bad moving her. I’m way too nice.


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